This is the email I would like to send to a friend of mine who forwards me every damn crazy thing that pops up in her inbox regardless of its veracity, and completely ignoring the fact that I've asked her, several times, to stop.
Dear [Name Redacted],
One more. Go ahead. Send me one more stupid email full of hyperbolic crap. Please. Because then you will have stepped so far over my own personal line of tolerance that I will be fully justified in coming to your house and inserting toothpicks into your eyeballs.
Remember the one you sent me that had the link to snopes, saying that it was true, because snopes said so, and when I clicked on the link to snopes, snopes said that the email was a hoax? You remember that one? And how when I called you on it, you said you believed it because the person who sent it to you is a Mensa member? Did it occur to you that the Mensa member was trying to prove a point to you? Trying to make you realize what an idiot you are? Look, it takes what? Three seconds to hit forward and send this shit on to everyone in your damned contact list? Why is it so hard for you to just CHECK THE LINK TO SNOPES YOURSELF?
What about the one I found in my inbox this morning? The one about the couple in Tennessee who was kidnapped and tortured, and the guy was raped and had his penis cut off? Did you read that link to snopes? Did you? Because though the story is true, within the snopes link, it said that the family has come out to say that what is circulating on the internet (i.e. YOUR EMAIL) is exaggerated and false. Did you read that part? I guess not.
And all the ones about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? You know how you like to forward on every disparaging, horrible email full of utter lies and overblown nonsense? Did it occur to you that I might be a DEMOCRAT? That I am planning to vote for Barack Obama?
The thing is, [name redacted], your email of this morning is nothing but disguised racism. Actually, that's not entirely true. It's blatant racism.
Where be the Revs Al and Jesse? Are they providing counsel and help to the families of the victims?
Of course not - the victims were white
Why hasn't this received National coverage by the news media like the Duke "rape" case?
Oh, that's right - the victims were white
Why hasn't the NAACP, ACLU, New York Times etc., called for an investigation?
Must be cause the victims were white
Why hasn't the FBI been called in to investigate this as a hate crime?
Oh, that's right - the victims were white
You know what? If this fucking bothers you so much, why don't you get your ass up off that chair you're sitting on in front of your fucking computer, and do something about it? You think mass-forwarding this crap is "doing something?" It's not! Why don't you take an hour and read up on the case and write something original and send that to your friends? Huh?
Do you know what a hate crime is? Do you understand? It has to be motivated by bias. Do you think these young men perpetrated this crime specifically because the victims were white? Because that's the only way it can be considered a hate crime. If they just randomly picked these people because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, then it is NOT a hate crime. A horrendous crime, absolutely. Worthy of FBI investigations? Worthy of the ACLU getting involved? No. It's just yet another horrible crime. Do you have any idea how often people get murdered? Seriously? Do emails detailing them land in your email box by the tens of thousands? I'm guessing no, since you haven't forwarded them all to me.
Get your head out of your ASS, or I will come over there and remove it for you. The hard way.
Of course, I won't send this email to [redacted]. It feels good to rant about it, but I won't send it. But what I will do is the following:
1. I will write an email that looks like a real story, but is actually utter crap. I'll include some random photo from the internet, as well as some links to news stories. I will twist the news stories until they are virtually unrecognizable from the original.
2. I will include a link that looks like it's to snopes, but is actually to a page on my blog that will basically say "YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT."
3. Then, via site statistics, I will track visitors to that page, thus being able to tell how many people to whom she forwards the bogus email.